On an otherwise forgettable day, Mary gave birth to seven baby boys. Each boy was identically adorable; tiny-boopable noses, dark curious eyes, and cheeks that puffed out like muffins.
Due to a challenging financial situation, Mary knew in her heart that she could only adequately provide for two of them. An overwhelming sadness hugged her. “How am I ever going to choose?” she sniffled.
The hospital understood her situation and agreed to let her test-drive the babies at home before deciding which two to keep.
Later that night, Mary pulled up to her house with the seven sleeping babies. Not wanting to take two trips, she loaded three on her right arm and four on her left. Mary plopped them into a crib and felt a twinge of guilt as Fourteen cute eyes stared up at her. This was going to be tougher than she thought.
To avoid attachment, she named them One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, and Seven.
After singing a sweet song, all fourteen eyes drifted off to dreamland. Mary snuck from the crib to her bed and closed her eyes. Just as she began to dream about Tony, she was woken by a howl. She jumped from her bed and rushed to the crib. Five was kicking and screaming in a fit of tears.
"There there," she cooed Five as she lifted him from the crib. Five immediately got quiet. Mary placed him back in the crib and glared at Four and Six.
The next day she returned Four and Six to the hospital. She wasn't sure which of the two had been responsible for Five’s howl, but she couldn't take any chances.
That night Mary was woken to another howl and found it to be Five again. She picked him up and cooed him. It was apparent there were still bullies in the crib. The following morning Mary returned Three and Seven to the hospital.
Two was an intelligent baby, and he had noticed a pattern. Lying in the crib that night, Two noted that it was just One, Five, and himself remaining. He'd rationalized that since Five was still there after crying every night, his mother must love it when they make a lot of noise.
Two let out a howl. Immediately Five began to howl as well.
Mary rushed to the crib and picked up the two crying babies. She glared at One, knowing he had to be the culprit.
The next morning Mary drove to the hospital and returned One. She carried Two and Five back to the car with her certain that she had made the best choice. These were the best of the babies.
That night she sang a sweet song to the two sleeping babies. She climbed into bed knowing she would finally get a good-night's rest. She'd met all of the crying babies' needs, and now they would finally be happy.
Five minutes into dreamland, she was woken by two piercing wails.
As she rocked the babies in her arms, she wondered, "Maybe I encouraged these babies to cry too much."
As Two was rocked, he couldn't help but think, "It's amazing how much attention I get when I make a fuss."
Five just liked to cry.